As part of my work, I interview a lot of people. As an extravert, and someone who is curious about people's experiences, I generally find this an enjoyable part of what I do. However, there are days when interviewing someone feels more challenging and an interview becomes unexpectedly difficult. It could be that a party is long-winded or evasive or extremely upset or scattered. Perhaps the subject matter of the investigation is particularly unsettling. Or it could be that I am low energy or working to a deadline, or I have already interviewed three other people that day.
I am sure my experience is like everyone else's who does this work. Not every day is a day when you feel like you aced it and are living in workplace investigation nirvana. Are there things that you can do to maintain your cool, so that you can practice in a sustainable way, with less aggravation? As someone with 35 years of practice (and counting), I think so. Here are some of my “tricks” that allow me to keep going on an even keel, even on one of “those” days:
This sounds so simple, but it really works. Chances are, if you are finding the interview difficult, you are holding your breath, or your breathing has moved higher up in your body, and you are not particularly grounded. Pay attention to your feet and the position of your body in these moments. You may be slouching in your chair, or over your desk. If you sit upright, and firmly plant your feet on the floor, I guarantee that you will feel more present, alert, and better equipped to do what you need to do.
Again, something simple, but I find that when I do this during a difficult interview it gives me some comfort and reassurance. Rather than engaging in a critical inner dialogue (“you’re blowing this interview”), I will say to myself something like, “Talking to someone about their problems at work is difficult. Keep on going. You will get through it.” And for those of you who listened to a webinar I moderated not long ago on mental health issues for workplace investigators, you will recall that one of the great pieces of advice Doron Gold (“The Lawyer Therapist”) gave us was that we are not workplace investigation machines. Several weeks ago, when I was interviewing someone who I found particularly challenging, Doron’s words went off in my head and helped me get to the end.
My practice is to wrap up an interview after three hours, even if I am not finished. Having sat across from people for years, I have observed a general tendency for people to slump after that amount of time, and an increasingly diminishing return on the interview’s productivity. Truth be told, I slump too after three hours.
Some months ago, I had a particularly challenging interview with an individual who answered my questions by monologue and inserted huge amounts of irrelevant information as she told me what she thought about the situation. She continuously rolled her eyes and sighed and snapped at me when I tried to get her to focus on the allegations at hand. Not surprisingly, we were not done after three hours. She told me that she had more time to finish things off and pressured me to keep going. I had reached my limit, and so I told her that it was my practice not to exceed three hours in an interview, and we would have to rebook. We did, and we (eventually) got to the end of the interview.
It's unavoidable. Sometimes the difficulty is entirely my own making. Maybe I did not sleep the night before. Maybe something else is distracting me or making me grumpy. Or maybe I am struggling with a physical limitation that is making conducting the interview difficult. As a case in point, some months ago, I hurt my back and I was finding it painful to sit at my desk for long stretches of time; I had to figure out strategies to allow me to work, without my physical discomfort affecting the people I was interviewing. Aside from getting up from my chair regularly, and using a hot water bottle, I actually found that telling people that I had hurt myself and was feeling uncomfortable was the most helpful. People took no offense when I said after an hour, I need to get up and move around for a few minutes, before continuing.
And if it's something mood related – once the interview is over, you may need to give yourself a solid break to recalibrate. When I am on one of those self-imposed “interludes,” I do not do any investigation work. My bad mood is often a sign that something is out of balance and I need to do less “work stuff” and more “life stuff.” This for me is always the ticket, and it helps me return to the work refreshed and able to carry on.
In the end, as my partner Lily recently said to me, “it helps to remember that we are all human – as much as we would like to be ‘on’ and perfect for each and every interview, that is never going to be the case. Giving ourselves some grace can help us to manage those interviews that don’t go exactly as planned.”
